I started childbearing late in the game by the definition of some. After five years of trying to conceive I had my first son at the age of 30. And although my son came after a long wait he was actually right on time.
My daughter came at 33 and surely I thought my family was complete. I had the baby girl I always wanted and an amazing older brother to protect her. Deep down inside I just felt our family wasn’t complete. I talked with my husband and we figured we would try one more time. If it didn’t happen it was fine. Secondary to ovarian torsion, I lost one ovary at the time of my previous Cesarean delivery so I figured it may or may not happen.
We were driving in the car one day and I asked my husband to pull over unless he wanted me to vomit in his new car. “I am extremely nauseous” I told him. “Are you pregnant?” He asked jokingly. I simply looked at him and rolled my eyes. But as soon as I got home I quickly ran upstairs, opened the cabinet under my sink and grabbed a pregnancy test. This is not the first time I had been nauseous ( I don’t do well as a passenger in cars) and this would not be the first time I had recently taken a pregnancy test. They were always negative and I was fine with that. I already had two amazing children.
I waited the few minutes after taking a test not expecting much and did a double take as I saw those familiar two lines. Thoughts of all the wine I had at my friend’s wedding a few weeks prior raced through my mind.
I yelled for my husband and asked him if he was ready to do this again. Even though a part of me was so nervous for this journey, a bigger part was so thankful. I know there are so many who struggle to start a family and I am all too familiar with that struggle. It’s the team no one wants to be a part of. Struggling with large fibroids kept me from getting pregnant until I finally had surgery to remove them.
I am going to have a baby at 36 years old I told myself. I am officially AMA (advanced maternal age). I thought of all the risks that could lay ahead, especially as a Black woman in America. And in the midst of scaring myself I had to remind myself that this would be a great pregnancy. I was not going to speak negativity over something so beautiful. We did not find out the sex with this baby and I loved that we did that. We already had a boy and a girl so I truly was ok either way. Being pregnant at 36 was different. I was extremely exhausted. I don’t even know how I got through those first few weeks while on call. The long hours coupled with extreme exhaustion was almost unbearable. Second trimester provided me some relief and third trimester hit me like a tsunami. The pelvic and back pain paired with extremely long call shifts really advanced me to my breaking point. I was so happy when I completed my last shift and could patiently wait for my scheduled surgery to meet our little one.
I will talk about my delivery in another post but meeting my sweet baby boy was all I could have ever wanted. I immediately felt my heart expand to love on one more tiny human. The postpartum course was a bit of a blur and I would be lying if I said it was easy. Quite the opposite, actually. I have postpartum blues with each baby and this time was no different. But each day got better and better and my love for the final chapter of the Sparks’ book grew more than I could imagine.
I cannot believe I am a mom of three. My friends who knew me long ago will tell you I was supposed to be the single rich auntie. I never imagined this life for myself but it is a life we have cultivated and pruned to our definition of perfection and I am so thankful for it. Every time my little guy smiles at me I know it was the right decision to expand our family. He fits right in with his brother and sister and surprisingly there is no jealousy. They love their little brother and are super helpful.
I have grown so much over the last few months. I am still learning how to navigate this new role and sleep seems to evade me daily but we are slowly getting into a routine and I can finally see the beauty in the midst of chaos.